Why I Fail No Matter How Hard I try?

Firstly, failure is not something negative; quite the opposite.

The secret of life is to fall seven times and to get up eight times. — Paulo Coelho

In reality, behind every failure lies a learning process, a lesson, a positive aspect. It's a bit like everything else; you always have two ways to see the world: the glass half full or half empty. The way you choose to approach events will determine the outcome; negativity attracts only negativity. Keep focusing on it, and in your eyes, there will only be negative things. Which is false.

Now, how can you finally finish something while minimizing the risk of failure? Again, it's a process and a way of approaching life. The goal of this article is not to give you clichéd advice but rather to help you understand how you can change the way you perceive events to achieve your goals.

One Thing at A Time

In 1996, Roy Baumeister and several other researchers conducted an experiment to test the motivation of individuals. They formed two groups. Both groups were shown two bowls: one filled with chocolate candies and the other with radishes. One group was instructed to eat cookies, while the other only ate radishes. Later, they gave a puzzle to solve to the participants. For those who ate radishes, they had the puzzle in front of them along with the bowl of sweets.

Throughout the observation phase, the radish eaters made significantly fewer attempts to complete the puzzle and spent less than half the allotted time compared to the participants who had eaten cookies.

What this study reveals is that it's very challenging to stay 100% focused on a task when another one interrupts our mind. The radish eaters had no willpower or strength left to engage in reconstructing the puzzle. They were already exhausted by the desire to give in to the cookies. In other words,

Self-control is a general strength that's used across different sorts of tasks — and it could be depleted. — Roy Baumeister

Remember: it's useless to start with a cluttered mind, trying to accomplish 40 different tasks and hoping to finish them all without difficulty. The brain simply cannot handle it. So, when you undertake something, make sure to have only one thing to do at a time. If it's too complex, break it down into subtasks that you will tackle one after the other.

Learn Patience

Patience is undoubtedly one of the most important skills, becoming increasingly rare. In a world that glorifies immediacy—especially with the Uberization of our services—we are no longer accustomed to "waiting." Every minute of our time must be filled; we must go fast, do a lot in a short time.

For an entrepreneur, it would be like expecting to make millions in just a few weeks of existence. Anyone who claims it's possible is lying to you.

The key is to learn patience. And it's not new. Leonardo Da Vinci, for example, was not born a "genius"; he acquired talent over time and practice. He particularly adhered to the mantra "Ostinato Rigore," which can be translated as "persistent rigor." According to him,

"The best way to counter impatience is to find pleasure – to a certain extent – in the effort, as the athlete savors the harshness of training, surpassing his limits, and resisting easy solutions." — Robert Greene

Impatience is likely where many fail. Waiting for immediate results with too little investment. Depending on the field, it's not just a matter of balance. You may well have to put in more effort than results, but patience will bring improvement, leading to success, albeit delayed.

Appreciate Difficulty and Effort

If you don't put in the effort, don't be surprised that the results aren't there. Those who claim they succeeded without effort aren't telling you the whole truth. All great achievements involve sacrifices, choices, and overcoming difficult challenges at some point. The problem is that we are experiencing a new societal phenomenon: TikTokization. That is, the desire to have everything, right away, without any effort—a step further than Uberization. This phenomenon leads people to no longer appreciate the value of effort and to be satisfied only with results. The problem: it's the effort that makes us appreciate the result. Without it, we enter a vicious circle, and we will never be satisfied; we will always want more.

If you continuously fail, it's because you attach too much importance and interest to the end result. Focus on the journey, your progress, the entire process you go through to achieve that result. You will realize that, in the end, you haven't failed; you have succeeded. And even more, you will appreciate each of these micro-successes, and appreciating them will only make you want to start over.

We often mistakenly think that effort comes with motivation. That is, you need to be motivated to succeed. But that's not true; it's quite the opposite. It's effort that brings motivation. If you desperately wait to be motivated, you can wait a long time. You will always find an excuse to procrastinate.

Accept Procrastination

As mentioned earlier, our brain is incapable of processing energy-consuming information in parallel. Its strength diminishes very quickly, and as a result, it produces nothing. If you are a procrastinator, know that your brain is constantly struggling not to give in and end up browsing the internet instead of tackling the pile of tasks to be done.

To combat procrastination, don't try to confront it directly, but rather try to frame it, create its space. Allow yourself "weak" moments where you do nothing and productive moments where you force yourself to work.

Grant yourself breaks between work sessions.

When faced with long tasks, it is best to impose brief breaks on yourself. Brief mental breaks will actually help you stay focused on your task! — Alejandro Lleras

We are not made to stay focused for very long, especially not in 2024 with all the stimuli around us: phones, computers, tablets that call our attention an average of 5 times per hour through notifications!

Instead of resisting and entering a form of self-violence against notifications, sometimes, isn't it better to let them into our lives but manage them well?