📗 Understand
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Feb 20, 2025
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7 min read
Never in the history of humanity has communication between individuals been as facilitated as it is today.
🤳 Technology, Conversations, and Solitude
© Source: Antoine Geiger
“Man is a social animal” - Aristotle
A plethora of so-called social networks have emerged over the past 15 years, and digital tools have democratized long-distance interactions. How then can we explain that in 2022, in France:
11% of people aged 15 and over find themselves in a state of relational isolation (they rarely or never see anyone outside their household).
20% of people aged 15 and over feel a sense of loneliness, including those who have a completely normal social circle. The figure rises to 28% for those under 25.
Researchers even speak of an epidemic of loneliness.
This feeling is not new. Laura Pausini was already singing about Solitudine in 1993 🎶
However, it seems that technology, despite its initial promises, has become an accelerator of this issue. In “Reclaiming Conversation,” Sherry Turkle outlines two different types of communication:
Connection: typical of online discussions, requiring little engagement and presence.
Conversation: typical of face-to-face discussions, richer and more engaged communication.
Until very recently, human interactions were limited to the latter.
According to the author, this is the most human and humanizing thing we do on a daily basis. Conversation forces our brains to interpret a multitude of subtle information in others: body language, facial expressions, eye contact, rhythm, and tone of voice… Conversation is both a characteristic and a necessity of our species.
It is through conversation that we truly learn from others, learn to listen, and develop socially. The omnipresence of technology has changed this paradigm.
We now sacrifice many conversations on the altar of connection. I also found a rather alarming graph coming from the US.
The time spent with friends “in person” is plummeting among adolescents. This trend has been declining since the early 2000s, significantly worsening since the arrival of smartphones and social networks.
Screen time is obviously to blame, partially replacing real social life with virtual social life.
The virtual indeed promises less effort:
With Instagram: we immediately get updates on what our loved ones are doing.
With WhatsApp/Messenger: we can quickly exchange messages with our entire social circle.
The quest for less effort —which is genetically ingrained, allows for short-term satisfaction of the need for sociability.
However, for tens of thousands of years, the brain has been wired for real-time, face-to-face interactions. Therefore, the virtual does not truly fulfill our fundamental need for sociability and, in the long run, feeds the feeling of loneliness.
A more insidious problem: we have also become accustomed to avoiding the “awkwardness” of face-to-face interaction.
Connection is a comfort zone where we can offer our interlocutors only a small dose of ourselves. We can show ourselves partially, often in our best light. We are in control: we can modify and even delete.
Face-to-face conversation is more demanding, engaging, and uncertain. Nonetheless, it is richer and allows for stronger social bonds.
Sherry Turkle notes a significant atrophy of empathy due to social media. Empathy is defined as the propensity to identify with others in what they feel.
Online, others are present in a disembodied way. This neglects our ability to analyze and interpret physical, non-verbal signals. In short, what makes a human a human.
In 2010, an American study from the University of Michigan, conducted over 30 years, showed a 40% decrease in empathy among university students. In real life, this symptom is symbolized by phubbing, which is becoming increasingly blatant.
For reference, this is when you look at your phone while talking to others. It signals that “somewhere else is better than here, and others are more interesting than you.”
The problem is that this behavior has become more of a reflex than a choice. It reduces the chances of creating rich connections and deeper discussions.
Under constant infusion of external content, information, and entertainment, we have become accustomed to stepping out of the here and now.
In 2015, a survey showed that 89% (!) of people took out their phones during their last social interaction.
Additional guests at the table, but who never pay the bill.
Cell Phone Addiction: Symptoms, Risks, and Tips
Researchers at the University of Texas conducted an experiment with 548 students.
Three groups were formed. Each group was asked to put their phone on silent in three different locations:
Group 1: on their desk, visible
Group 2: in their bag/in their pocket
Group 3: in another room
The study participants then completed two tasks measuring “available cognitive capacity.” Results?
Those who left their phone in another room performed significantly better than the others.
Those who kept their phone in their bag performed better than those who left it on their desk.
The mere presence of a phone within reach, even on silent, drastically reduces the available attention resources.
Part of these resources is indeed occupied resisting temptation. This prevents being 100% attentive to one’s interlocutors when the phone is visible.
The same principle applies when you work; you cannot be 100% focused on your task if your phone is reachable and/or visible.
Internal distractions will be more frequent. When we think, even unconsciously, that we might be distracted or interrupted, the conversation will inevitably remain lighter.
This is the famous “small talk” (shoutout to my friend Marine, with whom we’ve made it a point to avoid it). In short, human connections that replenish us happen offline.
🪄 This Week’s Challenges
🗣️ Every Time You'll Talk to Someone in Person
Try to make it a point to put your phone on silent, out of reach, and not visible.
This significantly changes the engagement and depth of conversations. Nothing replaces the present moment during a human interaction. For example, why don't you established the habit of going to a restaurant without your phones? Well, that requires looking ahead at where we’re going and also asking for the menu when there are only QR codes on the table. Otherwise, it’s a beautiful experience 😉
If you struggle to take action—or simply to resist temptation, you can also install the Jomo app, available for free on iPhone, iPad, and Mac, to temporarily block your apps (especially social media!) when you’re with friends!
To do this, all you need to do is start a quick session when you’re with friends. Go to the “Rules” section > “+” > “Quick Session.” Choose the apps you want to block, set a duration, and hit start! You’ll see: no more notifications, no more access = less temptation to check them.
Nothing substitutes for a glance, a smile, a pat on the shoulder, or a kiss. That’s what makes us feel deeply human.
🌐 Every Time You Are Online
Think about making your interactions more meaningful by prioritizing conversation over connection.
Prefer: “When are we getting together?” or “When are we calling?” over trivialities with your loved ones.
Prefer constructive comments and messages over simple likes.
Less empathetic, less attentive to others, and less fulfilled, we have much to lose by not reconsidering the place of digital technology in our lives.
